To Shake or not To Shake

This dilemma may seem strange to some of you, but perhaps the majority will understand where I'm coming from. As a Muslim lady in the modern working world, I am constantly faced with the same nerve wracking scenario time and time again. What scenario am I talking about you ask? Well, depending on who you are, what I'm about to talk about may seem to be a normal social routine, or it could be a practicing Muslim's social nightmare. I'm talking about shaking hands with the opposite gender. DUN DUN DUN!

Of course I'm not talking about all males - just those not related to me... so basically everyone. Let me just clear the picture for you guys a little bit with some background info before I dive into my dilemma. As practicing Muslims, it is forbidden to have any sort of physical contact with the opposite gender that is considered a stranger to us (including cousins and your aunt's/uncle's/sibling's spouses). The idea goes that people should place physical boundaries. Your body is yours. Strangers neither have the right to look at it (which is where the hijab comes in), nor the right to touch it.

Now, some Muslims overlook this - thinking that it's not a big deal, business is business, strictly professional, yadda - yadda - yadda. That's all fine and dandy, and it's your prerogative, but when people see Muslims participating in this social cue, I feel like it blindsides the non-Muslims when a more strict Muslim denies the handshake. I am one of those Muslims that prefers not to shake hands with strange men. I wear a hijab. I have ablution. I hold high respect for my body and simply do not accept the idea that if someone extends their hand, I should also extend mine in turn out of social obligation.

As a social person though, it's not always easy to practice what I preach. Job interviews, meetings, introductions, etc, all give me anxiety from the anticipation of a man wanting to shake my hand. I understand that this social practice is considered an act of respect in the Western/European culture, which is why sometimes I cave in, or become overwhelmed with the sudden decision of shaking or not shaking the gentlemen's hands. Do I want to make a good impression? Does this person seem like the type that would understand that I don't shake hands because of religious reasons? Will I be judged for it? Would I be discriminated against for it?

Most times, I am brave enough to say "sorry, I don't shake hands", and be able to walk away proudly with my head held high. For example, when I graduated from college, the Chancellor did not extend his hand to me (perhaps because he was educated on Islamic practice) but my program coordinator extended his hand and I - as politely as I could - quickly told him that I don't shake hands. He nodded his head respectfully and congratulated me before I walked off stage. Maybe because I knew I didn't have anything to lose that I was able to confidently decline shaking his hand. However, there are times where I'm not so confident. I try as best as I could to spread awareness on the topic, and in my former workplace, my boss, co-workers, and some of my clients knew that I don't shake hands. When I slipped, I would immediately inform the person, that I actually don't shake hands but get overwhelmed sometimes and they usually understand.

How does one slip you ask? It's just instinct. If someone extends a closed fist out to you with their fingers facing downward, your first instinct is to hold out an open palm to catch or receive what the person has in their closed fist. If a person comes at you with a high-five, you want to HIGH-FIVE THEM BACK! This is like it. When someone extends their hand, almost immediately, you want to extend yours too to perform a handshake. You don't even want them to wait for too long because that is considered rude, so how would it be if you don't shake it at all?

With all this said, I am confident that this social pressure will slowly fade overtime. People are learning about Islam more than ever, and the more interactions people have with Muslims, the more they will learn. East Asians bow their heads as a form of respect, while some South Asians place their hands together in front of them combined with a head-nod. We all know this. Soon, everyone will know that (some) Muslims don't shake hands with the opposite gender, and denying shaking hands with people won't be as hard as it is now inshaAllah (by God's will). We just have to be strong... I have to be strong. I have to stop worrying about how people perceive me, because if they are the type to make a big deal out of it, they probably already judged me simply because I wear a hijab. If that's the case, then really I don't need to impress them.

If you're reading this and you're not a Muslim, I hope you learned something about us today and I hope you understand. If you are unsure if the Muslim you are greeting enforces the "no hand-shake rule", ask them. Trust me, it'll take a load of pressure off from declining, and we will greatly appreciate you for asking and respecting our religion. If you are a Muslim, I hope you find the confidence to stand up for yourself and practice your religion the way you want. After all, it is our right. Remember that.